Beliefs and Habits that Keep Relationships Stuck

I wanted to stop gossiping. I loved spending time with other people but I hated that I went away feeling guilty for things I had said. I betrayed friends by sharing their secrets. I was judgmental of them, and expressed frustrations and offenses they had committed against me...that I refused to share with the person who committed them. I felt close to the person I was talking to in the moment, but I hated myself afterward. I hated being worried that the person I had gossiped with would go and repeat what I said about our other friends. But I couldn't figure out what we were supposed to talk about if we didn't talk about people. I remember actually contemplating that. And the embarrassment I would feel if I did what I felt convicted to do.

But God was patient with me. He sent people to teach and train me. He showed me a better way.

Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. How I communicate in relationships determines the level of intimacy that can be reached in the relationship. And sometimes we can be stuck in patterns that we don't even know don't have to be repeated. We don't even know there's something better. But there is!

We all learn to communicate in childhood. Sometimes the things we learn are a detriment to our relationships as an adult. Rejections that we experience as a child teach us to hide, be passive or passive aggressive. It's like a code we learn to use as a child to protect ourselves from pain.

It's frustrating to be communicated with through these means, but even dealing with our own frustration with being on the receiving end of those communication tactics, we still use them.

What it comes down to is pride. And pride comes from a lack of knowledge and belief of our identity in Christ.

If I believe that I am a beloved child of God, and I am secure in that love...then the fear of what other human beings can do to harm me stops dictating my behavior. Rejection loses it's power over me because I know that God will never reject me and what humans think about me isn't relevant.

I am free to communicate openly. To speak the truth in love. To be a peacemaker. To stop being a victim of "common enemy intimacy".

Jesus said, "come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest".

Don't you want that rest? Don't you want the peace that Jesus has to offer? Don't you want to have a clear conscience and peace knowing that if your friends overheard all of your conversations, they would still be your friends?

Then why are you believing the lies that Satan tells you?

The lie that it's better to just not say anything? The lie that you can't confront people? The lie that you don't need to confess your sin to anyone but God? The lie that being lonely is better than being rejected? The lie that it's not lying to say 'I'm okay' when I'm not? The lie that intimate relationships can be built on gossip? The lie that it's not worth it? The lie that it doesn't matter? The lie that everybody does it, so it won't hurt if I do it? The lie that 'other people' is the only thing to talk about. 

The lie that being loved by other people is more important than obeying God. The lie that God won't provide what I need if honor him in my communication. 

Stop believing the lies of the person whose goal  it is to deceive you and lead you to Hell...a living one and the real one. 

We can have REAL, life giving intimacy that God intends or the shallow, lonely kind that Satan cultivates when we gossip or say things we shouldn't.

You are loved by a God who has chosen you, even when you rejected him. He has a plan for you. And he's happy about all of it.

Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. How are your relationships?

Challenge: Test your relationships. Are they built on "common enemy intimacy"?
1.) For one week, commit to not speaking negatively to your friends/family about anyone else (even other friends/family). Do not allow yourself a gray area. If there is a question in your mind about whether it violates your commitment...it violates your commitment.
2.) Commit to not repeating what your friends/family say to you, without first getting their       permission.
3.) Keep a journal and write about how it goes.